A Sailor Business Alternate Reality Fic
by D.F. Pendrys
Summary: An entry into the Sailor Business fanfic contest. (Didn't win.) We were prompted to write dialogue as Jordan and Chris dealt with episode 60 of Sailor Moon R, when Chibiusa arrives.


Basically What They Do Already, A Sailor Business Fanfic by Dave "T.M. Chiba" Pendrys

Chris: If I could just have 5 seconds.

Jordan: Oh fine.

Chris: Usagi Tsukino has blood!

Jordan: That's it?

Chris: Yes.

Jordan: What?

Chris: Caught you off guard there didn't I? This is episode number 60: Angel or Devil? the Mysterious Girl from the Sky

Jordan: DEVIL!

Chris: Yes how is this a question? Anyway so we are greeted to a scene of Tokyo where Tokyo Tower is of course there, because it always is...and Rubeus appears holding his coat over his shoulder...a coat by the way which he never puts on the entire series.

Jordan: Which is strange, because if he's not wearing it when at the office that is...this UFO type thing, where would he be wearing it.

Chris: It's clearly dress down Friday at the UFO.

Jordan: Everyday?

Chris: They can time travel, maybe it's always Friday.

Jordan: I think he's just trying to look cool.  
Chris: Or it could be that a jacket and hammer pants can't possibly work and he knows it.

Jordan: Also true.

Chris: So we then are introduced to the four sisters and everyone's looking into mirrors for some reason.

Jordan: And Rubeus notes that Juuban is undeveloped, which is unfortunate, because Jadeite has been trying his hardest to get some economic development going.

Chris: If only those Sailor Senshi had not stood in the way of progress!  
Jordan: One of the sisters Koan who wears an unfortunate outfit suggests finding the silver crystal so they can destroy Juuban, but Rubeus says there's no rush.

Chris: Of course not because there's a lot of episodes of this arc to fill.

Jordan: Then Bertie...well her dub name is Bertie suggests they find Rabbit and kill her. I agree with this plan.

Chris: But of course you do. Now what's interesting here is that we see that this UFO which has the flashing lights that is normally used by airplanes to avoid colliding all over it.

Jordan: Clearly on the Dark Moon they have rigid safety regulations.

Chris: No doubt. Now the UFO floats there and then vanishes or engages a cloak or something but as always no one in Tokyo notices there was a giant UFO there and we head to a shimmer pond, where Usagi and Mamoru are on a boat confessing their love for each other. Usagi is really happy, Mamoru seems to be...less happy.

Jordan: Come on he's happy, she's just over the top.

Chris: So they get off the boat and Usagi trips and clings to Mamoru and it's romantic and...they kiss and then...

Jordan: Luna P hits Mamoru on the head. A pink cloud forms and into our story line takes a dramatic turn for the worst as Chibiusa drops out of the sky smashes into Usagi's head.

Chris: Chibiusa takes her out like the Macho Man just elbowed her. She's down hard...and Chibiusa ends up kissing Mamoru instead. This is problematic on many levels, including the fact that he's 87, she's a kid and they're related...

Jordan: He's not 87, and she's 1000 years old.

Chris: Ok then, well the 1000 year old daughter and her 56 year old father...  
Jordan: That's not...

Chris: To which Usagi cries "What just happened?"

Jordan: Which is what most of us at home said not even realizing the worst was yet to come.

Chris: Do you mean after the young girl pulls a gun on her mother or...

Jordan: I mean lots of things...

Chris: Ya know this dialogue doesn't seem out of the ordinary for what we usually say.

Jordan: I'm a unicorn.

Chris: We all are unicorns. I am the unicorn prince.

Jordan: Why do you get to be the unicorn prince?

Chris: Because I am descended from unicorn royalty.

Jordan: So am I!  
Guest: Still here you guys.

Chris: Do not interrupt the mighty unicorn!

Jordan: Yeah! This is Unicorn Business!

Chris: Perhaps we should ditch the contest fic at this point.

Jordan: Before we lose any more of our audience maybe so.

Guest: Oh I see I get two lines in the whole thing and I'm the killjoy?  
Jordan: Best to move on.

Chris: Yes let's totally get back to Chibiusa with an effing gun.

Finis.


End file.
